Ivy Shen was on full panic mode, hollering "python!" like she was calling out bingo numbers, making Caleb Miles squint at her like she’d grown a second head. Wait—if he wasn’t mistaken, that blue tail she freaked out over was his, right?!
"You guys—are you seriously that clueless? Watch out or you’ll get chomped by a python!" Ivy finally managed to stand, shaking like a leaf and full drama queen mode. Honestly, if these guys weren’t so drop-dead gorgeous, would she even bother warning them? Ugh, why were hot people always so cocky?!
"I’m noping right out of here!" Her warning got ignored, so Ivy ditched the explanations—face it, pretty boys were nice, but survival was nicer. She started tiptoeing away, not sticking around for the bloodbath. Such a waste of those faces though, seriously, what a tragedy!
"Hey, idiot, is this giant blue python you keep screeching about?" Caleb Miles suddenly went full show-off, dramatically whipped his massive blue tail out of the water with a splash that could’ve starred in an action movie.
"Aaaah—snake... snake demon!" Ivy, who’d just gotten vertical, instantly hit the floor like a sack of potatoes, face whiter than a TikTok ghost filter.
Caleb Miles yanked his tail back, staring at Ivy like she’d just tried to lick a light socket. Sure, he knew she was a bit of an airhead, but this was next-level. He’d only wanted to poke her nerves, not trigger a full meltdown. Snake demon? Did she think he was a pig demon too? Somebody help.
"S-snake... snake demon... Did you guys see that...?" Ivy’s teeth were chattering so hard she sounded like castanets at a salsa party. Total terror mode unlocked.
Liam Willow took one look at Ivy’s pale, cartoon-level face and tried to say something helpful, but her banshee shrieks steamrolled right over him. "Snake demon! Snake demon..."
"Shut up!" As Ivy thrashed her head, her makeup came off in powdery avalanches, making Adrian Night look like he was about to lose his lunch. The visual: tragic.
"Snake demon... He’s a snake demon! Can’t you see it?" Ivy shot Adrian Night a look like he was the crazy one. Was she hallucinating? Was she starring in her own horror movie?
"Enough already! Quit it with the snake demon nonsense—what, you think I’m a pig demon too?!" Caleb Miles finally slammed his abacus down so hard it almost bounced. Seriously, this girl had zero taste. His blue tail was a work of art, thank you very much!
"Y-you monster, don’t come any closer! I—I just chugged a whole barrel of realgar liquor, okay? I’m basically immune!" Ivy blurted, hands shaking like she’d stuck them in an ice bath.
Adrian Night’s frown melted into a creepy little smirk, and with one glance at Lucian Vane, the two were instantly in evil twin mode. Adrian drawled, "Snake demon? Does this count?" Then, in perfect tag-team timing, both guys raised their tails out of the water like they were showing off at a circus.
A purple and a green blur zoomed up to Ivy’s face—so fast she barely registered it before two chunky tails stopped dead right in front of her. What in the actual heck was she looking at?!
"Holy crap, it’s a whole squad of snake demons!" Ivy’s eyes rolled back and she just short-circuited, collapsing in a heap. Game over.
Ivy went down for the count, foaming at the mouth and twitching like she was auditioning for a zombie flick. The four guys just stared, totally gobsmacked by her epic meltdown.
"She’s a total lost cause," Adrian Night sniffed, flicking his purple tail with maximum disdain, already over it.
Lucian Vane twirled his poison needle and waggled his green tail, grinning like a supervillain. "Maybe I should test my new toxin on her," he mused, not even pretending to be serious.
Caleb Miles just frowned, his abacus clicking away like a stressed-out calculator. "Is this whole marriage deal just a dumpster fire or what?"
Liam Willow waved his orange tail, looking hopelessly confused. "Um, so... what just happened?" He was so lost, he might as well have been dropped from a spaceship.