Ivy Shen squinted down at Lucian Vane, whose eyes snapped open like he’d seen a ghost. She blinked—wait, what the heck?! Next second, she grabbed his shoulders and shrieked, "OMG, Snakeboy, you’re alive! Like, actually alive!" Her whole face lit up like someone just handed her free WiFi.
Lucian Vane frowned and sat up, eyeing her like she’d just hacked his phone. "Wow, you’re really that kind of woman, huh?"
"Wait, what?" Ivy blinked, totally lost at Lucian’s weird accusation.
"You actually stole a kiss from me. Shameless." So this chick was still that bold—even when he’d stopped breathing, she went and planted a big ol’ smooch on him!
"You... you seriously think I was trying to kiss you?" Ivy’s brows scrunched up, pure disbelief on her face—was this guy for real?
"Heh, want me to spell it out? You saw I wasn’t breathing. Did you call for backup, find a healer? Nope. You shamelessly kissed a dead guy. If I hadn’t opened my eyes, would you just keep going?" Lucian stood up, dusting himself off, face set to maximum disdain.
"Heh heh." Ivy let out a dramatic, bitter laugh—wow, so she was just the clown in this circus, huh?! She spun on her heel, ready to ghost this toxic dude.
"Oh, what now, you mad?" Lucian zipped in front of her with a literal anime whoosh, fast as a TikTok jump cut. Ivy’s rage meter spiked—he said he couldn’t fight, but he moved like a ninja?!
"Look, I’m your hubby, so it’s totally my job to help you blow off steam. If you need it, just say the word. I deal with courtesans all the time—trust me, handling you is way easier than wrangling them." Right now, Ivy was just a shameless, low-tier troll in Lucian’s eyes.
Hearing that, Ivy shot him a death glare. "Lucian Vane, I swear, my patience is on life support. Don’t you dare put words in my mouth!"
"Me? Putting words in your mouth?"
"Excuse me? You think I’d go for some narcissistic, drama-queen Venom-head like you? If I hadn’t never seen someone croak before, would I fall for your dumb tricks? You call that a kiss? Bro, that’s called CPR—ever heard of it, Mr. Narcissist?" She arched an eyebrow, pure sass.
"Ha! You know nothing except how to hang out with courtesans. Listen up, CPR is mouth-to-mouth—like, you blow air in, hope the lungs reboot. If you call that a kiss, what if I gave you chest compressions—would you accuse me of murder? Genius! Chest compressions are to jump-start your heart, okay? Get it, Snakeboy? Or should I draw you a meme?" Ivy rapid-fired, voice at max volume.
Lucian froze for a sec, staring at her—was she actually making sense, or was he just losing brain cells?
"Stop side-eyeing me like I’m sus. Don’t trust me? Try it yourself, or ask a real doctor. FYI, that was my first kiss! If I wanted to kiss someone, it’d definitely NOT be you—I don’t need to catch some weird snake STD!" Ivy raged, then spun around and stomped off, leaving Lucian looking like a crashed app.
In the shadows, a tall figure watched the whole mess from a distance. Only after Lucian left did he turn away, muttering, "Is that really still her?"
******** Scene Break ********
PS: Sorry, fam! Yiyi’s flying solo with her kid, so updates are kinda RNG. But I’ll drop a new chapter every day—just don’t ask me for a schedule, lol. Night owls, check in after dark, that’s when the magic usually happens!