Learning to Let Go and Embrace Ease

Whether a person likes or dislikes themselves is an important measure of psychological health. True mental health requires not only an honest understanding of oneself, but also a joyful acceptance of who you are. Accepting yourself does not mean indulging or admiring your flaws and mistakes; rather, it means that despite your shortcomings, you still like yourself, do not hate yourself, do not deceive yourself, and strive to become a better version of yourself.

In fact, trying to hide one's shortcomings is futile. Instead of wasting energy on concealment, it is better to develop your strengths and work to improve your weaknesses.

First, you must hold on to your own unique qualities, rather than changing yourself to fit others’ standards or so-called standards of beauty.

Sophia Loren is a legendary figure in the film world. Most people know she once won the Academy Award for Best Actress, but few are aware of the difficulties she faced during her first film at age sixteen.

During Sophia Loren’s first screen test, all the photographers said she did not meet the standards of beauty and complained about her nose and hips. Left with no choice, the director, Carlo, called her into his office and suggested she slim down her hips and shorten her nose, warning that without cosmetic surgery, she would have no future as an actress. Typically, actors obey their directors, but Sophia Loren refused. She believed in herself, had confidence, and regarded these features as her unique charm.

She replied, “Of course I know that compared to those actresses with outstanding looks and regular features, my appearance is not exceptional—in fact, you could even call it flawed. But I feel that these flaws, combined together, actually make me more attractive. I like my nose and my natural face. Although they are indeed a bit different, why should I strive to look like everyone else? As for my hips, they are indeed a bit large, but that’s also a part of me. I want to keep my essence; I don’t want to change myself just to fit someone else’s opinion.”

With this extraordinary confidence and spirit of self-acceptance, Sophia Loren moved the director, and later, enchanted film fans around the world. Through her efforts, she eventually became a sex symbol on par with Marilyn Monroe.

One should analyze oneself objectively—no one knows you better than you know yourself. Don’t let your weaknesses overshadow your strengths. If you deny your advantages, your intelligence and potential have nowhere to shine. Only when you love yourself will the world truly love you.

So, how can you evaluate yourself correctly and learn to accept yourself?

First, you must overcome perfectionism.

Remember, this world is not perfect. Our family and friends all have their flaws. Perfection is something we may encounter by chance, but should not expect. Therefore, we ought to be content and find joy in what we have.

Practice tolerance and understanding—not only making it easy to get along with others, but also avoiding harsh demands upon yourself. Don’t become a slave to the clock; try to finish tasks within reasonable limits, but remember: “Haste makes waste.” Understand that pleasing everyone is impossible. To be "popular" means others appreciate you for who you are, not just for your best performance. Try speaking your mind; honesty and openness dissolve many barriers and relieve psychological pressure. Have confidence in yourself—you have qualities worth admiring just like anyone else. Don’t be overly self-critical; everyone experiences moments of uncertainty. Don’t worry excessively about love or hate. Don’t indulge in self-pity—your circumstances matter less than how you respond to them.

Second, strive to truly understand yourself.

Those who know themselves are wise; those who overcome themselves are strong. You can use comparison (with peers and those in similar circumstances), observation (how others respond to you), and analysis (examining yourself and your work outcomes) to gain insight into yourself.

Third, set goals that match your own situation.

This gives you the opportunity to fully use your talents, and victories within your reach will boost your self-confidence.

Fourth, keep expanding your life experiences.

Everyone must go through a process of adapting to their environment. Along the way, you may demonstrate your abilities or reveal your flaws. It doesn’t matter—both positive and negative experiences help you understand yourself better.

Most important is to analyze yourself honestly, calmly, and openly. Have the courage to admit your shortcomings in ability or character, affirm your strengths, and use your strengths to offset your weaknesses.

True wealth and happiness are not just material, but also spiritual. Material abundance satisfies our desires, but spiritual wealth makes life fuller and happier—and only then does life gain true meaning.

Once you’ve learned to accept yourself, you must also learn to please yourself. Because, in life, much depends on your attitude. Even if we have nothing else, we still have ourselves—and that is priceless. When you see yourself as invaluable, the world will see you that way, too. None of us live in a vacuum: setbacks at work, troubles in relationships, daily hassles, health worries—we all encounter one or two of these. These external pressures can be tough. If we don’t learn to please ourselves, and can’t cultivate a cheerful, confident, optimistic mindset to face reality, we may be overwhelmed by these influences and pressures at any time.

Dr. Karen Salmansohn, a psychologist, says: "Our lives are filled with uncertainty. Sudden changes can disrupt your mood at any moment. Instead of drifting with the tide, it’s better to consciously develop habits that make you happy, so you can adjust your mood anytime." To please yourself, simply put, is to make yourself happy.

There are many ways to make yourself happy. Success expert Napoleon Hill lists several for us.

(1) You can hold yourself in high regard.

Successful people always have a high opinion of themselves, powered by positive thinking. With this mindset, you’ll keep surpassing yourself and moving forward. Positive thoughts include believing you are the most qualified among those you know to do a certain task, and setting your goals higher...

This chapter isn’t finished yet ^.^ Please click to the next page to continue reading!

You should often ask yourself: Have I used my greatest wisdom and ability? If the answer isn’t a definite yes, then you need to make some changes. The first change should be to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Negative thoughts include: I’m not qualified for that job; I’ll always be poor; there are so many people more qualified than me. Once you fall into such ordinary thinking, you’ll stagnate until your mindset changes.

(2) You can make yourself appear important.

Everyone thinks they are important. But you only truly become important when others feel they urgently need you. To achieve this, there’s a strategy: raise your visibility. First, understand this social habit: busy people are seen as those most urgently needed. Using this, you can find effective ways to raise your profile—by creating a busy image for yourself, letting others know you have many clients, many admirers... In short, for anything you desire, you can create the impression that you already have plenty of it.

Once people know you are someone they urgently need, your career will flourish. This positive cycle will bring greater prosperity, ensuring your career remains strong and vibrant.

Whether a person succeeds does not depend on what they already possess, but on what they plan to achieve. For this, you should create a plan to increase your self-worth. Self-evaluation determines how others evaluate you—this is a law. When others value you highly, it shows your importance.

(3) You can cultivate strong self-respect.

For every successful person, their most precious asset is self-respect. As long as you maintain this self-respect, you can preserve the essential elements of a fulfilling life: friendships, admiration, and acceptance.

Further reading: Helping Yourself Love Yourself

1. Write down ten strengths. After writing them, repeat them silently three times, then close your eyes and silently repeat them three more times.

2. Open your eyes, stretch out your arms, and ask someone to press down on them.

3. Write down ten weaknesses. After writing them, repeat them silently three times, then close your eyes and silently repeat them three more times.

4. Open your eyes, stretch out your arms again, and ask someone to press down on them. Notice how it feels.

You’ll likely find that after silently repeating your strengths, your arms are much harder to push down. Why? Because they become stronger. This small experiment lets you concretely experience how negative and positive thoughts affect a person’s whole being—physically, psychologically, and spiritually.

An American doctor once conducted a study: After 200 banquet guests ate the same food, half got food poisoning, but the other half were fine. Curious, he investigated further and found that those who remained healthy had a more positive attitude, high self-worth, and greater flexibility. In psychological terms, their inner strength was greater and stronger. In other words, the bigger the heart, the healthier the person—because their immune system is stronger.

In fact, the size and strength of one’s heart energy affect every aspect of life. Doctors and psychologists have long put forward various theories and experiments on this. The power of the mind is easily cultivated, because the mind is pure and simple—its only demand is that you believe in yourself and affirm yourself. Believe you are a good person: diligent, hardworking, earnest, thrifty. Affirm your generosity, kindness, and compassion... Yet, the greatest obstacle to self-belief is that people always like to compare themselves with others: I’m not good enough, because someone else is better; I’m not kind enough, because someone else is kinder; I’m not beautiful enough, because...

People always find reasons to deny themselves. Human beings are fascinating: many struggle to love themselves but crave the love of others; they see only their flaws, but feel upset when others point them out; they can’t see their strengths, but when others mention them, they find it hard to believe or accept.

To address these issues, you can try the following methods.

First, step out of the habit of comparing yourself to others and become an independent self who compares only with your past self. This is not easy, because our upbringing and society have conditioned us to compare with others. But habits can change. The hardest part is starting—so it’s best to find a good friend to do this with, encouraging and supporting each other.

Second, write down all your strengths. In many situations, people find it hard to list their strengths, but can quickly list their weaknesses. So, take some time to think about your strengths. If you can’t think of any, ask friends or family. Sometimes, what’s most obvious to others is not obvious to ourselves.

Third, recite your strengths three times every morning, noon, and night. At first it may feel unnatural or even a bit fake, but after a while, you’ll notice your strengths increasing.

Fourth, keep a daily log of what you do. Mark good deeds and behaviors like "diligence," "seriousness," or "hard work," and mark areas needing improvement, like "pride" or "laziness." At night, review your day: appreciate and affirm what you did well, and for things needing improvement, tell yourself, “I was a bit selfish today, but tomorrow I’ll improve and do better.” Thank everyone and everything you encountered for giving you opportunities to learn, improve, and grow.

Fifth, use humor to "laugh at" your shortcomings, rather than blaming yourself too seriously.

Have you learned to love yourself? If so, the next step is to learn how to love others.