You are supposed to be the emperor, right?!—This line, like the snip of scissors at a ribbon-cutting, marks the beginning of Eunuch Chief Yvonne’s daily life as the palace’s top eunuch. A new official is said to bring three blazing fires; as the most important figure beside the emperor, able to handle almost everything in the palace, Eunuch Chief Yvonne isn’t just any official—she’s more powerful than most. So of course, her three fires burn extra bright.
But for a while after, that same line—"You are supposed to be the emperor, right?!"—kept popping up everywhere, like the American flag in a Hollywood blockbuster.
Dewmont Hall is scene one, and we don’t need to revisit it. Let’s talk about some of the other scenes.
Scene two takes place in Diligence Hall—the spot where the emperor is supposed to review memorials. Eunuch Chief Yvonne’s thinking is clear: if there’s no morning court today, and Emperor Chad Zhao barely shows up even on regular days, then no matter how much you force him, he’s definitely not meeting the officials today. So, being the cool-headed and wise person she is, Yvonne decides to settle for second best and check out the memorials in Diligence Hall instead.
There’s a lot to learn from these memorials.
But when she actually got to Diligence Hall and started flipping through the memorials, she squinted almost immediately. She put one down, picked up another, glanced at it, then swapped again. After going through seven or eight, she set them aside with a complicated look: "Tell me, do you have any memorials from the last three months that aren’t about picking pretty girls?"
"Yes, yes, yes!" Emperor Chad Zhao slapped his forehead and hurriedly rummaged through the pile, replying, "There’s one about a Heaven-worship ceremony and canonization, I think it came in about a month ago—let me find it…"
Heaven-worship? Canonization? Who wants to read that stuff!
"Aren’t there any memorials about real issues? Anything on national defense? Disaster relief? Impeaching corrupt officials?" Eunuch Chief Yvonne grabbed a fistful of memorials and waved them furiously. "Three months—three whole months!—and there’s not a single major affair of state in this pile? What are your censors even doing?!"
"Well…" Emperor Chad Zhao kept smiling awkwardly. "All the memorials get reviewed by the Privy Council first. Only the really big stuff makes it to me, and even then, it’s just for my information, not for me to decide. So, honestly, nothing’s been sent up lately."
Seriously?! You’re supposed to be the emperor!
That’s the second time already. Now, onto scene three—this time, in the Imperial Library.
If you can’t attend court or review memorials, then flipping through the royal archives and secret records in the Imperial Library isn’t a bad idea. With access to the imperial collection, you can quickly get a bird’s-eye view of the entire Southern Song Empire.
The most obvious perk? It speeds up making the secret map—where the mines are, where the herbs grow, which rivers flood and when. All that becomes top-tier intelligence for future strategic decisions. And the deeper, far-reaching benefits? Too many to count.
But after what happened in Dewmont Hall and Diligence Hall, Eunuch Chief Yvonne wasn’t too hopeful about the Imperial Library either. So, before heading out, she asked. Emperor Chad Zhao hemmed and hawed for ages, clearly clueless about what books were actually in there. Yvonne sighed, held onto a sliver of hope, and led the emperor over anyway.
Once inside, she saw that the Imperial Library lived up to its name—there were piles of books stacked in the back. It was technically just the emperor’s private study, but it looked pretty legit—at least on the surface.
But with so many books in the Imperial Library, searching one by one would take forever. Luckily, Yvonne’s got rank—why waste power? So she called in the junior eunuchs who manage the library and had them fetch every book she wanted. The little eunuchs were pros and soon brought out a dozen or so, which finally put Yvonne in a decent mood.
But after Yvonne browsed and flipped through them for a good while, she still didn’t find what she was looking for. Even the ones that barely touched on the topic were vague and censored. That itchy, unsatisfied feeling was like reading a heavily redacted spicy novel—you know there’s content, but it’s all been replaced with asterisks. Maddening!
"No way that’s all there is. There must be something more detailed," Yvonne complained. "The imperial collection can’t be this thin. Where are the rest of the books?"
"There’s actually a lot more," Emperor Chad Zhao replied honestly. "The Imperial Library is just a tiny slice—the bulk is in the Royal Book Vault. But even though there aren’t many here, the variety’s pretty good. If you can’t find it here, you probably won’t find it in the vault either. After Shi Miyuan died, I actually put in some effort for a while, so I know this stuff."
"No way, absolutely not!" Yvonne wasn’t that easy to fool. She slapped the book and said, "There’s stuff here that just cuts off halfway, or the key details are chopped out—it’s not that the info isn’t there, it’s been censored! If you can’t get military secrets anywhere else, fine. But you’re the emperor, and this is the top of the food chain. Who’s supposed to believe there’s nothing here?!"
That was the third time. But there’s a fourth.
Scene four’s pretty simple—still in the Imperial Library, and it follows right after scene three.
"It’s true!" Seeing Yvonne about to blow her top, Emperor Chad Zhao got nervous, massaged his forehead, and suddenly clapped his hands as if he remembered something: "Oh, right! Supposedly, there are a bunch of secret books hidden in the Royal Book Vault!"
"Royal Book Vault?" Yvonne raised an eyebrow, clearly interested. She’d already been thinking about raiding the vault, and now that Emperor Chad Zhao brought it up, why not go for it? "Well, what are we waiting for? Get someone to bring the stuff over!"
"Uh…" Emperor Chad Zhao’s face turned awkward again—every time he made that face, Yvonne had a bad feeling, and this time she was right: "The Royal Book Vault isn’t under my control either…"
Yvonne’s forehead was practically sprouting hashtags: "Not even if you issue an imperial edict?"
"Even if I go there myself, it won’t work."
Damn! You don’t run this, you don’t run that—nobody listens to you anywhere! You’re supposed to be the emperor!
In just a little over half a day, Yvonne had already said the same line four times. That’s a key part of the Eunuch Chief’s daily routine.
Of course, it’s not all trouble—there are plenty of perks too. Take gift-giving, for example. Maybe it was the consorts getting riled up by the Three Marvels, or maybe this was just business as usual, but right after lunch, all sorts of people started sending Eunuch Chief Yvonne a heap of silver through every possible channel.
Besides silver, there were plenty of other goodies—often worth more than the silver itself. For instance, Eunuch Lord Warren showed up all respectful, carrying a tray. Yvonne flipped the cover, and inside were three luminous pearls.
Luminous pearls are rare, but not exactly priceless. But these three were different—each the size of a longan, perfectly round, and glowing brilliantly. Even in broad daylight, they shone, so you can imagine how dazzling they’d be at night. Top-tier stuff.
Anyone would be tempted by such treasures—especially an extremely greedy eunuch.
But Yvonne didn’t react the way Warren expected. She just covered them up again and gave a noncommittal "Hmm…"—no sign of delight at all. Her expression stayed deep and unreadable, not a hint of joy—because she was still annoyed.
Warren was nervous, but still pressed on: "Chief, this is a little gift from Consort Lily."
"Consort Lily?" The name sounded familiar, but Yvonne couldn’t be bothered to figure out which one it was, or what her angle might be. She just took the tray and waved Warren off: "You can go."
"Yes, Chief!" Seeing Yvonne accept the pearls, Warren flashed a sycophantic grin, backed out in a hurry, and even helpfully closed the door behind him.
"Are all these consorts losing it? Why are they all sending me gifts?" Yvonne wondered, then quickly figured it out: around two-thirty in the afternoon, the eunuchs from the Ceremonial Office swarmed in. Turns out, it was time for Emperor Chad Zhao to pick his consort for the night.
On Earth, the consort-picking system is common in Qing Dynasty dramas, but it’s hard to say when it actually started. Traditionally, the emperor picks after dinner and finishing work. But Emperor Chad Zhao is famously debauched—he starts picking hours earlier than everyone else.
That’s when Yvonne realized she was in charge of the emperor’s consort-picking ritual—no wonder all the consorts were trying to curry favor.
Three minutes later—clang!—Yvonne dumped a bunch of silver trays full of name plaques in front of Emperor Chad Zhao. His eyes lit up as he nervously opened the trays, asking, "Can I still… you know… do it?"
Talking about that sort of thing in front of Lady Mazu, Emperor Chad Zhao’s drive for this stuff was honestly impressive—he was ready to risk it all for a bit of fun. Yvonne waved her hand impatiently: "Just pick, quit stalling."
"Yes! Then… I’ll pick her!" Emperor Chad Zhao chose a plaque, gripping it nervously.
Yvonne hadn’t cared at first, but a casual glance made her freeze—the plaque read "Imperial Consort Mia Wise." She looked Emperor Chad Zhao up and down, suddenly seeing him in a new light. Finally, Yvonne asked with a weird expression, "So, you’re still not tired?"
Emperor Chad Zhao nodded with an equally weird look, blushing, and wiped the drool from his mouth: "Hehehe… not tired…"
"You’re wild!" Yvonne gave a big thumbs up, then clapped Emperor Chad Zhao on the shoulder: "As long as she’s willing, I won’t stop you. I’ll pass the word along, but you need to write me an imperial edict."
"No problem! No problem!" Fired up by Mia Wise, Emperor Chad Zhao’s enthusiasm skyrocketed. He dipped his brush in ink and quickly wrote two bold, powerful characters: Edict Issued. The edict looked pretty official, but after writing it, he looked up and asked, "Uh, what’s the edict actually for?"
"Just let me check the Royal Book Vault."
But Emperor Chad Zhao’s face fell: "I can write it, but it won’t actually count. If this annoys Jia Sidao…"
"Just write it already, quit whining!" Yvonne looked up at the sky. "I want to see who dares defy an imperial order!"
She really didn’t want to wait another second.