Learning to Let Go Brings Infinite Ease

Letting go and gaining is a philosophy of life, a worldview and methodology for living. First let go, then gain; letting go comes before gaining. Small letting go brings small gain, great letting go brings great gain; without letting go, there is no gain. Where there is letting go, there is gain; where there is gain, there is letting go. Letting go and gaining may seem opposed, but they are two sides of the same coin—mutually generating and restraining, yet also mutually supportive and unified. All things ultimately return to harmony through letting go and gaining.

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2. Learn broad-mindedness—one mourning for lost things is enough.

If letting go is voluntary, perhaps people would have fewer troubles. Yet in life, many things are relinquished under pressure. Thus, many people suffer deeply from losing something they once possessed, or because of past mistakes, unable to easily forgive themselves.

But to constantly regret the past only traps you in dead ends, making matters worse and keeping your heart from ever finding peace. As Shakespeare said: "Dwelling on past misfortune only brings more misfortune."

If you wish to be free from all the troubles caused by the past, the only way is to learn broad-mindedness.

Broad-minded people are often optimistic. As one philosopher put it, the only difference between optimists and pessimists is that the latter choose pessimism.

When broad-minded people encounter difficulties, besides accepting reality and freeing themselves from self-entanglement, they also have a habit of seeking pleasure and avoiding harm—not for profit, but to keep their emotions and mental state bright and stable. As philosophers say: "Happy people remember the satisfactions of their lives; unhappy people remember mainly their disappointments." Everyone's satisfactions and dissatisfactions are not very different, but the degree of happiness or unhappiness can be vastly different.

Carefully observing a broad-minded person, you often find they have a tendency toward self-deprecating humor. Sometimes this is outwardly expressed—using humor and self-mockery to break out of difficult situations.

Self-deprecation is an important way of thinking. Everyone has many unavoidable flaws—this is inevitable. Those who are not broad-minded often refuse to acknowledge this inevitability. To satisfy their own psychology, they anxiously resist anything that might expose these flaws. Over time, this makes them psychologically fragile. But those with self-deprecating ability can avoid this problem. They can actively observe their own weaknesses without trying to cover them up.

Fundamentally, a sense of embarrassment arises because you feel embarrassed. To break free from embarrassment and escape difficult situations, positive avoidance requires great effort, but self-deprecation offers a light and easy way out—those who surround you are not your enemies. Thus, embarrassment or hardship is dissolved in concept.

Broad-mindedness also varies in degree. Some people are tolerant within certain limits, but once those limits are exceeded, their reactions change abruptly. The most broad-minded people possess a "game spirit"—they expand their tolerance.

Here is a story: An old general, who survived countless battles and never feared death, retired and found joy in collecting antiques. One day, he almost dropped his favorite vase, which shocked him. He suddenly realized: "I was never afraid in battle, so why am I so scared now?" He understood that his attachment caused anxiety, so he deliberately smashed the vase to free himself from obsession.

The "game spirit" of the broad-minded is just this. Since they treat everything as a game, even though they invest wholeheartedly, what they truly appreciate is the process, not the outcome—the joy of the game lies in the process. In this way, they escape the torment of gain and loss.

There is a person who is not particularly outgoing, but almost never appears flustered. This is not because he is lucky. Observing closely, we find he reacts differently than most: for example, when his wallet is stolen, he sighs, then immediately asks how to reissue his ID, work permit, and pay stub. Another time, he participates in a TV quiz show, advances to the semifinals, but receives notice of elimination. He grumbles briefly, then cheerfully goes to learn bridge.

These reflect his basic way of thinking—accepting facts. Once something happens, no matter how much it goes against his wishes, it is still reality. Most people’s psychology resists at this point, but the broad-minded quickly bypass this unhelpful resistance and immediately turn to constructive action.

Afterwards, they realize that what happened cannot be changed, so instead of letting these events cast a shadow over their emotions, they immediately shift focus to what needs to be done next.

This is truly a great psychological strength. In life, we often find it hard to get over what we’ve lost, even knowing it can’t be recovered and refusing to actively resolve it. In fact, for the broad-minded, every loss creates a new choice, every choice opens a new opportunity. Losing something you thought you could rely on may be hard, but hidden within that loss are blessings and chances. Look forward—after the dark night comes the dawn.

How to become broad-minded? Remember three points and keep reminding yourself.

(1) The previous moment belongs irrevocably to the past.

Time is a wondrous thing—it carves the rings of life, drives the changes of the world, is the most effective medicine for healing wounds, and also the most indifferent passerby. No one can control time; everything in the past is fixed in a certain moment, impossible to change or correct. Past sorrow or joy is just a small symbol in life, unchangeable. So, instead of looking back, focus on the present.

(2) Put past pain and glory in "history."

Past suffering once left us tired and even deeply humiliated. But we should understand that the past is gone, and the future depends on our current thoughts and actions. Lock past pain in history, step onto a new journey, and create the future to achieve success and happiness. Step out of old halos, no matter how dazzling, because they belong to the past. Focus on the present and the future, and your life will be more beautiful.

(3) Not everyone will love you.

We don’t need to like everyone we know, nor do we have the right to demand that everyone like us. Don’t care too much about others’ opinions—walk your own path, let others talk. Have a broad mind; when you don’t get others’ approval, you can still live your own style and be responsible for your own days, believing you can do well.

Happiness has no limits; life does not need to be perfect.

Many people feel unhappy not because they truly lack happiness, but because they pursue perfection—always hoping to grasp everything they like, always dissatisfied with themselves, unable to appreciate or accept themselves. If a person demands perfection in everything, they will only become more exhausted.

No one can be perfectly flawless, and our abilities are limited. If heaven grants us extraordinary talents, it may not grant us health or beauty; if it gives us a brilliant career, it may not give us leisure. No one can be loved by everyone or possess everything.

Happiness has no limits; life need not be perfect everywhere.

1. The way to happiness lies in trade-off—some things need not be possessed.

An old man lived near a public grove. Every morning, he practiced tai chi there, then chatted and drank tea with other elders and children. The grove brought him much happiness.

One day, the old man thought: If only the grove belonged to me! Then children wouldn’t run wild and damage the trees, and I could build a small cabin to enjoy peace. He bought the grove, planted flowers, and built a fence.

After tidying up, the grove became more beautiful, and the old man’s cabin was established. At first, he was happy, but later the grove brought him troubles: Should he let others in? Should he restrict children? If he let them in, was it still his grove? If not, it became lifeless. In summer, storms damaged his plants, and he worried constantly. Eventually, he realized: Some things need not be possessed—ownership can steal your original joy.

For life and for love, everyone holds beautiful hopes—hoping to possess everything, hoping their beloved will always stay by their side. Yet few realize that it’s impossible to own everything, and some things need not be possessed. If you love the bird that sings outside your window and want to cage it, you may possess it, but lose the joy of seeing it soar in the sky. If you love someone but being together only brings mutual torment, why not let go and let them live more happily?