Chinese people care a lot about saving face. There are plenty of things they really mind, but rarely say out loud. Most folks think that once you say something, you lose face—it’s low-class, embarrassing, not dignified. But honestly, these are things most men obsess over, they just aren’t willing to risk their pride to dig deeper.
But today, everyone’s in luck—because we’ve got three judges who don’t care about losing face for the people. Or more accurately, these three really don’t give a damn about face. They ask whatever needs asking, say whatever needs saying, and their words are sharp as knives. And weirdly enough, instead of getting judged, the crowd actually cheers and applauds them for asking what everyone else is too shy to.
For example, after judging appearances, it was time for the personality round.
"Beauty is a necessary but not sufficient condition for being a goddess. To put it simply, if you want to be a goddess, you have to look good—but just looking good isn’t nearly enough. In any anime, it’s not the male lead who sets the tone, it’s the female lead!" Mr. Ma spouted another quirky theory: "Just look at the heroine in any show, and you’ll instantly know the style of the whole story—and what kind of guy the male lead really is."
Ms. Yin crossed her arms and nodded, totally on board: "You see Nami, you know it’s a bold adventure type. See Athena, it’s all hot-blooded, never-say-die brawling. Akagi Haruko? Pure and fiery youth chasing dreams. Sakura? Well, that’s the kind of story where the heroine doesn’t matter and the guys are just busy shipping and fighting each other."
"Hey!" Mr. Xin shot back, "Why’s Sakura gotta get roasted like that? She’s got her own role, okay? If you’re gonna complain, at least pick Kiki!"
Ms. Yin ignored him and summed up: "Next time you watch a new or old anime, pay attention—the heroine sets the vibe for the male lead! If she’s the type running with toast in her mouth, yelling ‘Oh no, I’m late!’ and crashing into people at the corner, then trust me, the male lead’s nothing special. He’s not sailing off to chase some epic ‘One Piece’ dream. And honestly, it’s the same in real life!"
Ms. Yin’s gaze swept over the male contestants, cool and even a bit fierce: "So, do you want to be a useless loser, a sucker who gets conned out of his cash, a spoiled brat everyone hates, or a real up-and-coming young man? A lot of that depends on what kind of woman you end up with. On life’s journey, having a wise, genuinely supportive partner is worth more than money. Only with an amazing heroine can you find your own ‘One Piece’ in this vast world."
Hearing Curly Yin’s speech, a lot of the guys started thinking hard. It’s not that they didn’t get it before, but hearing it said out loud in this setting really hit home. The women were also thoughtful, and their looks at the three ‘losers’ quietly changed. At first, most of them looked down on the trio, then got scared and annoyed during the looks round, but now, you could sense a bit of admiration.
Seems like this matchmaking event, thanks to these three ‘losers,’ actually turned into something classy for once.
"So—" Ms. Yin suddenly stood up, looking every bit the towering, righteous role model: "To keep our lives from turning into some worn-out shoe on a dragon’s back, all the female contestants—report your numbers! How many men have you slept with?"
"Huh?!" The women were in an uproar, while the men just laughed, shook their heads, and clapped.
"What’s the big deal? Why so shocked? This is for picking the leading lady, not hiring washed-up mistresses!" Ms. Yin was fierce: "Forget all that talk about temperament and personality—we’re not the Olympian crew, and black fungus doesn’t qualify as our goddess! Even losers have their pride, and we’re definitely not going to be backup for some fake goddess! Am I right, guys?"
"Yes!" The men in the crowd shouted in unison, like cheering for a victory.
"So, ladies, just be honest. But let me warn you," Ms. Yin struck a grandmaster pose, "the two folks beside me aren’t just for show. Unless it’s hidden under thick makeup, nothing escapes them. So, don’t even think about lying."
The women were officially freaked out. The fire in the men’s eyes was burning bright—was it really time to expose this kind of thing?
"Number One, Smelly Feet Soccer… Oops, I mean Guozhuzhu, you first!" Ms. Yin aimed right at contestant number one.
Number One panicked, stammering and unable to answer for a long time.
"Hurry up!" Ms. Yin pressed her: "How many men have you slept with? Is this really something you need to rack your brain to count?"
"N-none!" Number One finally managed: "I’ve never slept with a man…"
"Oh? Really?" Judge Ian turned to his fellow judges. "What do you guys think?"
Judge Mark and Judge Simon raised their signs at the same time, each with a big, bold "FAKE" written on it.
Contestant No. 1 instantly panicked, stammering, "I-I, um, actually..."
"Alright, liars can zip it. You're out of chances." Judge Simon didn't give her a second to react before firing off the next question, "No. 3, what's your story?"
Mimi Sun had just been smirking—seriously, that Zhu Zhu's act was way too fake. With that seductive vibe, still pretending to be a virgin? If you're gonna lie, at least mix in some truth! All lies is just asking to get called out. But now that it was her turn, Mimi hesitated. Reporting her number was tricky. Too high, and she'd get labeled a "black fungus"; too low, and her cleavage-baring style wouldn't let her get away with it.
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What to do? This really was tough. These Three Wastrels—acting like clowns, but cutting right to the heart of the matter.
"Well..." Mimi Sun paused, then declared, "I've had three boyfriends." She puffed out her chest and lifted her chin, totally unashamed—like she was all about telling it straight.
But! "No. 3, don't try to dodge the question. I'm not asking how many boyfriends you've had. I'm asking how many guys you've actually slept with!" Judge Ian was not about to let her off easy.
"Th-three, of course!" Mimi Sun replied, a little flustered.
The two other judges immediately raised their signs—FAKE!
Ugh! I'm gonna lose it! I only came for a fling—just trying to land a sugar daddy gig. Who cares about this stuff anyway? But thanks to these three jerks, it's hopeless now! Even if someone was interested before, now that it's all out in the open, I'm totally done for!
In her heart, Mimi Sun dropped to her knees in an OTZ pose—utterly defeated, tears flowing like a river. (OTZ: Internet emoticon for kneeling in frustration or despair.)
"No. 18, your turn." Judge Ian gestured grandly. "Honestly, I've still got hopes for you."
No. 18? Isn't that Grace Guo? Mimi Sun immediately gnashed her teeth—in moments like this, the "green tea girl" always wins! ("Green tea girl": someone who pretends to be innocent but is actually cunning.)
"I..." Grace Guo lowered her head, cheeks blushing, voice as soft as a mosquito—so shy she could barely speak. "I've never done that with a man..."
Damn, this girl picked the pure act from the start, and she stuck to it all the way. Not just a green tea girl—she's basically West Lake Dragon Well! In this situation, she's totally in her element.
But the next moment, Mimi Sun's eyes widened in shock—the two bespectacled judges both held up "FAKE" signs.
"Oh?!" The host gasped, the crowd gasped, even the guests gasped—clearly, everyone had high hopes for No. 18, but she got called out as "FAKE"! Grace Guo stared, wide-eyed and innocent, looking pitiful and stunned.
"Grace Guo, I'd love to believe you, but my moral compass says—I have to raise this sign." Judge Simon declared, as if facing a final boss. "Honestly, for guys like us—the biggest threat is girls like you. You look way too innocent, like a lotus in muddy water. But after seeing so many bros get fooled, we've finally learned to spot the difference between real and fake purity."