Bang! The table is slapped, and Jack Young points dramatically: "Hey! You little troublemaker, I came here fully prepared to get played, but I never expected you’d throw me under the bus like this—using me as a human shield?"
Sophie Soo puts her hands together and raises them above her head: "Please, please, just this once! I swear it won’t happen again, okay?"
Watching Sophie’s exaggerated facial expressions, Jack Young looks puzzled: "With your personality, you don’t even need any ‘Diao Chan moves’ for that kind of guy! You’re naturally ‘Unassailable,’ aren’t you?" As he speaks, Jack draws an ‘Unassailable’ card from a pile of Three Kingdoms Kill cards and tosses it onto the table. Yep, the two of them are actually playing a tabletop game in a campus café.
"If it was just that kind of loser, forget ‘Unassailable’—I’d play a ‘Slash’ and he’d be done!" Sophie throws down a ‘Slash’ card with flair, then slumps over the table, sighing weakly: "But the problem is, he’s not the only pest. There are plenty more."
"Miss, please accept this ‘Zhuge Repeating Crossbow.’ I’ll even throw in a Lü Bu character card—you can go full Musou mode and mow them down!" Jack hands over a stack of ‘Slash’ cards: "All yours. May your martial luck be ever victorious."
"Sigh, if only it were that easy. The problem is, some people can’t be taken out with a ‘Slash.’ If you hit them for one point, you get hit back for one—sometimes even more. It’s disgusting."
"Huh?" Jack’s eyebrows knit together. "Are you being blackmailed?"
"No, but it’s pretty close. Life really is just endless compromises." Sophie sits up: "Most of these pests, I can just spray some bug killer and be done with them. But there’s this one golden beetle—he’s a short, rich, and ugly college student, a second-generation heir to the school’s holding company. The campus water, electricity, internet, and all sorts of facilities are controlled by his group. He’s basically a big shot around here."
"What’s so scary about a group that just lives off school funding? Are they really going to cut off your water because you turned down that short, rich, ugly guy?" Jack chuckles. "If they ever dare, just leave it to me—I’ll raise hell online and turn you into a viral sensation! Remember, Jonathan has a few media companies, right? Just let him loose, and we’ll see who wins the flame war."
"It’s not that simple. The group wouldn’t dare cut off the utilities, but when I apply for event funding, they’re experts at tripping me up." Sophie puts on a martyr’s face: "For the sake of the Foreign Language College, I just have to grit my teeth and not go all out on him."
"Uh..." Jack Young starts sweating. "Saying 'For the sake of the Foreign Language College'—isn’t that a bit much for a mere commoner like me?"
"Oh, I forgot to tell you. Ahem." Sophie Soo clears her throat and sits up straight. "At the end of this semester, just a few days ago in the student council elections, yours truly battled through countless rivals and became the new student council president. Since the old president has already run off to go play, I’ve officially taken over."
"Hiss—!" Jack Young sucks in a breath and sizes Sophie up. "So, in a tech university, you’re now the president of the Foreign Language College. Doesn’t that mean you basically control the marriage prospects of most of the guys on campus?"
"Heh! Once I annex the Art and Media College, I’ll truly rule the campus." Sophie waves her hand regally, then puts her hands together in a grand ceremonial bow. "So, old pal, I’m begging you. I can’t go head-to-head with him, but he’s driving me nuts. The only thing that’ll make that short, rich, ugly guy back off is a tall, rich, handsome one. Out of everyone I know, you’re the only one who can pull it off. You’ve got at least two out of three, and you’re half a celebrity. Plus, no one knows you’re my cousin—so please!"
Under Sophie’s starry-eyed gaze, Jack Young can only surrender. He grabs her chubby cheeks and stretches them out. "Ugh, how did I get roped into this? Fine, I’ll help you out this time. But just because he’s short, rich, and ugly doesn’t mean he’s necessarily a bad guy, right?"
"Bad, absolutely bad." Sophie declares. "Not only bad, but also a total idiot. If his nervous system had developed even a little more normally, he wouldn’t have turned out like this."
"Like what?" Now Jack’s curiosity is piqued.
Sophie makes a face like she’s seen something horrifying, clutching her forehead and sighing: "You’ll see for yourself soon enough. I bet you’ll meet him very soon."
Just as she says that, Jack Young’s ears twitch and he turns to look out the window. In the distance, a car approaches. Even though it’s the college residential area and lunchtime, with students everywhere, this white sports car barrels straight through, forcing everyone to dodge and curse. The car doesn’t care at all, even revving the engine for extra hate points.
With a screech, the car stops right in front of the café, the shiny Porsche logo gleaming. A man kicks the door open and steps out. Seeing him, Jack Young instantly knows this must be the short, rich, ugly guy Sophie mentioned. Forget the flashy outfit, forget the platform shoes and trendy haircut that still leave him shorter than Sophie, forget the belly that looks like he’s six months pregnant—just look at that face.
Not to judge by appearances, but that face—like something straight out of a rage comic... Is he really a college student?! How many times has he repeated a grade?
"How old is this guy?" Jack leans over to Sophie.
"No idea. He claims he’s forever eighteen, but honestly, he’s halfway to the grave."
"What’s his name?"
"Harry Huang."
Uh... The name itself is already roast-worthy, but looking at that build, he really does fit the "Stew Pot" nickname.
Just then, The Stew Pot bursts in, shouting as he walks: "Xiao Yueyue, I’m here!" Jack Young can’t help but laugh—Xiao Yueyue? That takes him back to a certain internet celebrity from his college days.
This chapter’s not over yet~.~ Click next page for more hilarious content!
The Stew Pot doesn’t care about the stares and keeps shouting: "Just heard some rumors—word is, you’ve got a secret lover..."
His voice cuts off—he’s spotted Jack Young. Eyes wide, The Stew Pot stares at Jack, then at Sophie, then back at Jack. Suddenly, he points at Jack and jumps up, yelling, "Who are you? Where’d this random guy come from? I’m warning you, stay away from my Xiao Yueyue or I’ll break your legs, you homewrecker!"
Threatened, pointed at, and yelled at—but Jack Young can’t even muster the energy to be mad. He’d been wondering how other pests survive with a rich heir in their midst. Now he gets it: The Stew Pot really isn’t cut out to intimidate anyone. He used to think these over-the-top heirs in urban novels were fake—no one could be that dumb. But today, he’s enlightened: all art imitates life, and there really are people this ridiculous.
Honestly, he doesn’t even want to step on a bug like this—if you squash it, you just end up covered in stink. But Sophie is staring at him, so since he’s here, he might as well help. With that thought, Jack stands up and squares off, realizing he’s a full two heads taller than the other guy. "Hahaha, I’ve always heard my darling had someone pestering her. I used to worry, but now I’m totally at ease!"
Intimidated by Jack’s presence, Harry Huang instinctively backs up two steps, then blusters: "Who the hell are you?! Ever since Xiao Yueyue set foot on this campus, I’ve had dibs—she’s already mine!"
"Ignorant and laughable clown, your hollering only exposes your weakness!" Jack channels his "Jill Young" persona, lifting his chin arrogantly and wrapping an arm around Sophie. "This woman’s been reserved for me since birth! When we were sharing a bed, you hadn’t even learned to walk upright yet."
Sophie can’t help but laugh—Jack is savage. But Harry Huang clearly doesn’t get the deeper joke and just points at Jack, gnashing his teeth: "You—you actually slept with her! You nobody, how dare you sleep with my woman!"
Smack! Jack slaps Harry Huang’s hand away, his gaze icy enough to freeze June snow. "A nobody? You dare call me that?" In novels, the male lead gets dragged in as a shield and plays it cool and innocent. But the shield’s real job is to draw aggro! Since he’s here, since he’s taken on the tank role, he’s going all in—even if it means wrecking his own image and playing the flashy rich guy, he’s going to crush The Stew Pot!
"That your car out front?" Jack points to the white Porsche.
"Yeah, that’s my baby!" The Stew Pot perks up—his car is his pride and joy, and he loves showing it off around campus.
"Ha! What a clueless loser—your junk car isn’t even worth my monthly bank interest." Jack flashes an impressive-looking card as he pays the bill, piling on the sarcasm: "Bet you’ve never seen one of these, huh? This is a top-tier VIP card. You could sell everything you own and still not match a scrap of this card. You wanna act cool with me? Hilarious!" Jack nails the rich-guy act, cranking up the aggro to max.
Laughing loudly, Jack strides out, leaving The Stew Pot staring blankly. Angry and confused, it takes him a while to realize: I just got flexed on! What kind of world is this?! (Time to rewrite my bio!)