I immediately calmed my mind—a technique taught to me by Hugh Thompson. When my thoughts are chaotic and I can't figure something out, I take things step by step, slowly recalling, listing out what's important, and then carefully thinking it through until everything connects.
I began to recall everything I had just done. I scooped up some water again, watching as droplets slipped through my fingers, dripping into the river below, one by one.
At that moment, the thought of a plastic bag crossed my mind, but there was no such thing by my side. I gently loosened my grip, leaving space between my fingers, and dipped my hand into the water. Staring at the flowing river, I started to think slowly.
I've always been like this—my mind isn't very agile. Back in elementary school, I didn't get good grades. Same story in middle and high school. But if there's one thing I might be slightly better at than others, it's that I always managed to pass my exams.
My approach before and now is the same. I rarely understand things on the first try, so I ask classmates or teachers for help, then practice repeatedly. Surprisingly, through relentless practice, I never failed an entrance exam and even got into college smoothly.
It was a top-tier university. Before the college entrance exam, I did countless practice problems, always hoping for a stable job in the future so I could help my parents as soon as possible. Back then, we were short on money and had loans, but my father refused to accept any help from my uncle.
Maybe during those years of studying, I often didn’t want to keep going—it was painful, especially with all those math and science subjects. But for that, I have to thank someone: my cousin. He influenced me, bit by bit.
I watched my cousin, a rich kid, cause endless trouble for my uncle: parent-teacher meetings every other day, fighting, hanging out with girls, and a pile of other messes. Over the years, my uncle’s headaches have only grown, but my cousin is still a rich kid.
Maybe from the time I first met my cousin, I understood this—no matter how wild he got, his family was loaded. He never had to worry about his future job; my uncle had everything arranged for him. But I was different.
My parents are just ordinary wage earners, growing older day by day. I have to get into a good university and then find a job.
Thinking back now, I smile. My cousin was the reason I made up my mind to study and pushed myself. So all the way, even though I was lonely, most of my time was spent doing practice problems and attending extra lessons from teachers. That’s how I got through those difficult childhood years.
The most vivid memory is probably from university—my advisor, Professor James Qian. We got along well because he noticed how hard I worked. I admit, I was pretty slow most of the time.
My major was Hydroelectric Engineering. At first, I barely understood anything. Even wiring a lightbulb was a struggle, and I was so nervous I mixed up the positive and negative terminals, nearly electrocuting myself. It became a running joke at school—almost everyone knew about it.
But I soon realized I wasn’t as smart as others, so I spent more time practicing repeatedly, letting my body memorize everything. Gradually, Professor James Qian started to like my approach and would sometimes give me detailed explanations one-on-one.
Eventually, Professor James Qian and I became almost like friends. By graduation, I had so many teacher recommendations that I got a job offer from the Water Conservancy Bureau in H City. But then things changed—there was only one spot, and I was supposed to get it.
But strangely, for reasons I never understood, that spot was canceled at the last minute and given to an internal employee’s child. I was devastated, especially since at the time, I was thinking about marrying Lily Wu.
I needed to have a stable job, and Lily Wu, because she was friends with Nathan Li, went straight into the bank where Nathan worked. Thinking about this, I smiled and stood up, quietly looking at my reflection in the river.
"When did I become so comfortable with my life?"
I said to myself with a wry smile.
With no other options, I took a job as a cleaner in a large indoor facility. The work was exhausting and dirty. At first, I struggled to adapt, but in the company, the faster workers got more assignments and earned higher wages—some even broke twenty thousand.
It felt like hope was rekindled. I started practicing constantly, speeding up my cleaning. For two years, I worked long hours every day, taking on tons of assignments. By then, things with Lily Wu were already falling apart. My monthly salary was six or seven thousand—not great, but enough to get by.
As our problems grew worse and marriage loomed, I reluctantly asked my cousin for help. He immediately offered to give me an apartment, but I refused. Later, when I found a place, my mortgage was only a bit over three thousand a month. When the landlord learned of my cousin’s status, he said I didn’t have to pay—but I still refused.
I thought about talking things over with Lily Wu, giving her a surprise—at least I felt I’d made some changes. But then everything happened, and I fell into this ghostly path, entangled with supernatural matters until now, becoming a fiend myself.
I touched the red, branch-like tear streak on my left cheek and smiled—a wicked smile. The old me was already gone.
Clenching my fist, I stared at the river’s surface. Fate really loves to mess with people. When I realized I was caught in this massive spiral called battle, Rachel Lan was already gone. I could do nothing but watch it all unfold.
"Still too weak. You—so weak. When will you finally be able to stop all this?"
I muttered to myself and squatted down again. The two women who mattered most in my life—one in the first half, one in the second—had both left me, all because I was weak.
Before, misunderstanding led to all these problems. Later, when we finally understood and loved each other, determined to hold hands and walk on together, fate intervened—separating life and death. Even Rachel Lan’s soul vanished, consumed by the immense power of the Fourth Phoenix Rebirth.
The will to fight—I think I’ve found it again. My destiny, my talent, is what it is. All I can do is struggle, resist the impermanence of this world.
More and more, I remember my school days—repeating problems over and over until I could solve them in my sleep, recite them backwards. I smiled.
My mood improved a bit. I squatted down again and started thinking about the ghost soul. This time, it was even harder than before—I had to find a way to control its power through constant repetition, something I’d never done before.
Just now, I felt the ghost soul had grown larger than before, and its ghost aura capacity had increased too. I scooped up some water, took a sip, and suddenly smiled—I’d found a way. This time, I could do it.
Excited, I turned around—it was time to eat. Isabelle Frost was quietly waiting nearby, her gaze fixed on me as I raised my hand.
"This time, I’ll succeed. Thank you, Miss Isabelle."
I closed my eyes, sensing the amount of ghost aura inside me. Then, in a sudden burst, I released ghost aura—three times more than Isabelle Frost’s. She looked surprised, and I smiled bitterly.
"Just a few more times and I’ll be able to do it. I can do this."
I kept going—twice as much, then the same amount. Suddenly, I was delighted. I looked at Isabelle Frost, and she gave me a rare smile.
"You’re so clumsy, Ethan Zhang. You have no talent or aptitude. If you compare it, a gifted person is a precious jade, but you’re just a worthless stone—no matter how you carve it, it’s still worthless."
"Hey, hey, isn’t that a bit harsh?"
I said with a smile. Isabelle Frost giggled, her smile blooming like a flower.
"But if it were me, I wouldn’t be able to stand such tedious work. Yet you persisted. Everyone has their own path, and so do you, Ethan Zhang. When a worthless stone is carved to perfection, sometimes the light it emits can outshine a precious jade. I’m looking forward to it—the next stage can begin, once you can control your power tonight."
I nodded excitedly. I managed it thanks to days of relentless repetition. The ghost soul is like a plastic bag that keeps producing water inside, while the outer yin energy is like the water surrounding the bag.
Releasing ghost aura is like poking a small hole in the plastic bag—the water flows out. The water inside the bag is quickly replenished. But if I deliberately block the hole and keep trying to release water...
The plastic bag inside swells up. Next, I open the small hole, and the water outside flows back into the bag. I did it—the ghost soul works just like this.
Ghost aura can be partially reabsorbed after being released.