Anxiety Beyond Words

12/7/2025

So nervous. Seriously, I’m freaking out. Three days ago, I was all talk—‘See you at home!’—but the second I set foot in Jiping City, my nerves went haywire.

Dad never showed any son-preference, and Mom always wanted a daughter—but my kind of ‘daughter’ is not what anyone had in mind! After raising a handsome son for twenty-some years, he strolls out and comes back as a mysterious white-haired woman—are they gonna think I’m trans or something? Will they kick me out for disgracing the family? Damn!

Dad’s a teacher, Mom’s a doctor—classic, respectable family. Now suddenly their ‘son turns into a daughter’? How are these two, who’ve been dreaming about daughters-in-law and grandkids, supposed to handle that? Damn!!

They’ve lectured me about marriage a million times—so now, do I marry or get married? Damn!!!

The two of them are gonna be heartbroken, damn~~~!

Nope, I’m freaking out. Calm down, deep breath—okay, I should prep something first. What to prep? Oh, maybe buy them something they like? Suddenly I’m thinking of those movie scenes—the gangster boss comes home with fancy gifts, only to get kicked out by his old parents and disowned. Why is that kind of scene stuck in my head right now? And why do I weirdly relate to the gangster boss?

No, no, don’t overthink it, and don’t buy anything weird. Keep it simple, just get something normal that they actually like.

Dad likes… oh yeah, he likes to smoke. When Mom was working night shifts, he’d sneak out to the balcony and light one up. In the dark, that glowing cigarette tip was kinda funny.

But then again, Mom totally hates it. She’s got a super nose—no matter how much Dad airs out or washes up, she comes home from her shift and instantly sniffs out the smoke, then launches into some brutal lecture. I even helped with those lectures! Honestly, cigarettes are just asking for trouble. Better not gift those.

So what does Mom like… oh, right, she’s a great cook. That old kitchen knife at home has been around forever—maybe even older than me. Maybe it’s time to get it a companion? Those new high-tech knives are amazing for chopping meat and bones. If I buy a set for Mom, she’ll love it—but will she end up chasing me around with them? Damn!

Gurgle… I’m starving, really craving Mom’s meatball soup… Oh well, better go buy some groceries. Groceries are practical and safe—even if Dad and Mom get mad and try to throw things at me, at least the chicken legs and pork won’t hurt any innocent bystanders.

Kiddo, hey kiddo…

Before I knew it, I was at the market. A veggie vendor lady said something in a familiar southwestern Shandong dialect, but I was so spaced out—Auntie, what did you say? Can you repeat that?

Hey, your outfit looks great—where’d you get it?

Outfit? I glance down—wait, I’m still wearing my “Hatred Armor”! I’m not here to hunt John Connor, so why am I dressed so fierce?

Then again, maybe dressing fierce isn’t so bad. This way, I’m showing I’m still pure macho at heart—looks are just skin deep, inside I’m still the same hot-blooded guy. Maybe that’ll comfort my folks…

Anyway, Jill Young’s mind is running wild—overthinking, anxious, totally spaced out. In the end, she’s at the entrance of a residential building with two bags of groceries, standing at her own front door, but suddenly feels like she can’t go in.

Standing at the door, Jill wonders—would it be better to just hide Jill Young’s existence? Make up some job that keeps her away, so everyone only ever sees “Jack Young.” That wouldn’t be hard, just tell Jonathan, and it’s done.

But… no, that’s not right.

I am who I am. Having two bodies is weird, hard to accept, and sure, it might cause family drama, but I’m not hiding from my parents.

They’re my real parents—they deserve to know what’s up with their kid!

Just as Jill reaches for the door, someone opens it from inside—a beautiful middle-aged woman appears. It’s Susan Morrow!

Susan Morrow, holding a shopping basket, was about to go out. In the narrow doorway, mother and daughter meet face to face—an unexpected reunion!

For a moment, their eyes lock—both completely stunned.

Oh no! Mom is totally frozen! Her pupils shrink, her breath and heartbeat skip a beat—how come I didn’t hear her footsteps earlier, but now her senses are in overdrive?

Wait, I haven’t even said who I am yet. To Mom, I’m just some strange woman at the door, right? Why is she reacting so strongly? Gotta say something!

Jill nervously swallows, twitching at the corners of her mouth, and finally stammers, “Uh… haha… um… I…”

Thud—the basket drops from Susan’s hand. From the moment she saw Jill, she was frozen; now, she suddenly collapses. Jill rushes to catch her, and at the touch, Susan trembles. Staring at Jill, Susan gently strokes her face, tears streaming down: “You’re back?”

Jill’s mouth opens and closes, then she smiles with relief. No need to explain, no need to introduce herself—she’s already been seen through. So she smiles and nods, “Yeah, I’m back, Mom.”

Susan suddenly hugs Jill tight. Even though Jill’s taller, she’s like a little chick being protected, powerless in her mother’s arms. Susan’s tears flow as she sobs, “Twenty-six years, twenty-six years! You’re finally back, my daughter!”

Seeing Mom like this, Jill gets choked up too, hugging her tight. She knows the story Mom always avoided, the one she had to tell in person, must be about ‘Jill Young.’

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