I kept crying and screaming, my voice torn and exhausted. Because of my so-called pride as a man, I stubbornly refused help time and time again, ignored the voices of others, and brought all this upon myself.
Though I have long accepted that all of this is my doing—John Chou once said it was me who killed Nathan Li and Lily Wu. He was right; it was me. There is no denying it.
These memories have weighed on my heart for so long, things I never wanted to recall. Now, it's all too late. No matter how much I regret, no matter how much I cry, there's no going back.
After a long time, I crouched by the campfire. In the flames, the images of Lily Wu and Nathan Li faded away. I still remember questioning them that day—Lily Wu kept saying I had no money.
At that time, Nathan Li didn't say a word. He just lowered his head and looked at me. Then I ran out crying. Nathan once chased after me, saying he wanted to wait a while before explaining. I didn't listen to anything and just ran off. After that, I can't remember anything.
Suddenly, I noticed everything around me was bathed in red light. Startled, I looked up and saw the moon had turned crimson.
The entire sky, the whole world, was shrouded in a strange red glow. From the forest came a wailing sound. I looked over in surprise, and when I turned back, the campfire was gone. The little cabin where the five lived had vanished, and Old Ray, who had been lying in the leaf pile, was gone too.
The wailing grew closer and closer. A chill ran down my spine. The only thing I could think of was that desire had come for me—just as Mr. Blackmask had said. I hurriedly stood up.
I gripped my right hand, forced myself to focus, and stared ahead, clenching my fist. I had no strength left. I didn't know what would happen next. But in an instant, my eyes widened in shock at what I saw.
It was Lily Wu. Half her face was mangled and bloody, her usual white dress soaked in blood. Her body was pierced with shards of glass. One of her eyes was missing. She was dragging Nathan Li's bloodied head, step by step, toward me. Blood dripped from Nathan's head, splattering onto the leaves.
Every sound was painfully clear. I kept stepping back as Lily Wu whimpered, and from the ground came another noise. I looked over—it was Nathan Li's body, crawling slowly toward me.
I kept backing away. Suddenly, Lily Wu, her head lowered, looked up, her eyes filled with hatred as she stared at me.
"Ethan Zhang, it hurts so much... My whole body hurts. It's you. You killed us..."
I whimpered, my whole body convulsed, a sharp pain tearing through my chest as if someone had gouged a hole in it. I shook my head, overwhelmed by sorrow. Nathan Li's eyes opened, staring at me.
"I told you not to, but you gave it to me anyway. You were the one who didn't want it, but you still clung to it. Ethan Zhang, weren't you being too much...?"
"Nathan Li, I... I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." With a thud, I dropped to one knee, repeating my apology as the two of them slowly drew closer.
"It hurts, Ethan Zhang... My body, my eyes..." Lily Wu raised her head, moving closer, her eyes full of venom as she stared at me.
"Why, Ethan Zhang? And my father—Ethan Zhang, you saw it, didn't you? You saw the ghost haunting my father, but you didn't tell me. Why? What was it all for...?"
My mouth hung open as I whimpered, my mind consumed by sorrow. I shook my head, unable to make a sound.
Lily Wu slowly raised her hand. It was pierced with shards of glass, flesh mangled and bone exposed. She extended it right in front of my left eye.
"It hurts so much, Ethan Zhang. Are you happy now, seeing me like this...?"
"No, I'm sorry, no, that's not true..."
With a scream, I cried out. Lily Wu gouged out my left eye. Instantly, I clutched my face as hot blood streamed from the empty socket. I screamed and staggered to my feet.
I turned to run, but my right leg was still heavy as stone. Fear consumed me. Limping, I barely managed a few steps before something caught my foot. I looked down—Nathan Li's body was clinging tightly to my leg. I stumbled and fell to the ground.
Just as I turned, Lily Wu came over and pinned me to the ground, a wicked smile on her lips. With a thud, Nathan Li's head rolled beside me, then suddenly bounced up and landed at my neck.
"It hurt so much, Ethan Zhang. That night, my head flew right off—it hurt so much..." Nathan Li roared, opening his mouth wide and biting down on my neck.
I screamed, my whole body wracked with pain. Lily Wu and Nathan Li laughed, crazed and wild. I joined in, laughing hysterically, my mind on the verge of collapse.
They kept biting into my flesh. Gradually, I lost all feeling, my body growing cold. I stared at Nathan Li and Lily Wu, giggling foolishly.
I was so tired. I didn't want to fight anymore, not even a little. It was my fault. They became like this because of me.
Images began to surface in my mind—Lily Wu, that night, when we had a huge fight, and she ended up crying endlessly.
"Wake up, Ethan Zhang. Please, I'm begging you. Ethan Zhang, when will you finally wake up? What's so bad about accepting help from others? Why? Are you even a man...?"
I slowly closed my eyes. Just before losing consciousness, I seemed to see Lily Wu and Nathan Li smiling. The three of us used to go out together, so happy back then.
When did I start becoming like this...?
It was me. I saw myself, dressed in a pale blue work uniform, cleaning in an office building, working hard, sweeping the corridors. When someone walked by, I would instinctively step aside.
Day after day, year after year, the same work. Every day after work, I rushed home to cook. Lily Wu was always happy. Even though I was exhausted, I was willing to cook for her. She grew up in a well-off family, her parents doted on her, and like many girls nowadays, she wasn't used to doing housework.
So no matter how tired I was, I would tidy up the house after coming home. My conversations with Lily Wu were limited to daily events and work matters. She used to confide a lot of her troubles to me.
She had trouble getting along with coworkers, was always scolded by her boss, and even had male colleagues harassing her. She would tell me about these things every day.
I listened carefully to every detail. But when she asked me what to do, I was always at a loss. My most frequent reply was, 'Just work hard. Things will get better.'
Little by little, our conversations dwindled. At some point, apart from cooking dinner and her playing on her phone, we barely spoke at all.
And unlike other men, I wasn't sweet-talking or trying to make her happy—not even a little. It seemed I never did. Arguments became routine.
But every time, I would bow my head and apologize to Lily Wu, caring for her in daily life.
"Ah, so I'm really such a boring man?"
I couldn't help but mutter to myself.
Our weekly dates—if not a movie, then going out somewhere, or just to the park—became routine. Lily Wu gradually lost interest. She kept urging me to let my cousin help, but I always refused.
All around was endless darkness. I couldn't see or feel anything. My body felt weightless and exhausted. I didn't know why—I was just so tired, too tired to move.
My mind was blank. Where did I come from? Where was I going?
"Brother, what's wrong? Are you tired?" A gentle voice reached me, accompanied by a faint red glow. I turned my head—the voice was so familiar. A beam of light drifted down from the sky, warm and comforting. I felt that if I went there, everything would end. I'd be free.
I didn't want anything anymore. I felt myself slowly rising toward that beam of light.
"Where are you going, brother?"
Just as I was about to be swallowed by the light, a strong hand grabbed me. The light vanished. I looked up and saw a man in a black suit, his expression half-smiling, half-mocking.
"Who are you?"
"It's true, you're very tired, brother, aren't you? But living is exhausting. Dwelling on the past leaves you with no future. Brother, a lot of people are waiting for you to come back—including me."
"What are you talking about? Let go. I'm so tired, I just want to sleep."
The half-smiling man burst out laughing, then yanked me down with all his strength.
"No way, brother. Did you forget our agreement? I helped you, so you have to help me too, right?"
"Agreement..."
A white shawl slowly draped over my shoulders, carrying a familiar fragrance. Unconsciously, a woman's face appeared in my mind—her deep eyes filled with determination.
"Ethan Zhang..." a woman's voice whispered. I opened my eyes wide, staring at the woman before me as she reached out her hand.
"I don't want you to die, Ethan Zhang. Listen to me—no matter what happens, you must survive. I'm waiting for you. Don't die, Ethan Zhang..."
Images of the king's memories flashed through my mind like a revolving lantern.