For young people who haven't read the original novel, most of their impressions of Bobby Tong come from those old Hong Kong TV dramas from the 90s. That version stuck pretty close to the book: chubby, round, with a bushy beard and eyebrows, always perking up whenever something fun came along. If there was nothing fun, he'd just practice his ambidextrous kung fu—basically making his "Little Left" and "Little Right" hands play make-believe yuri together. Truly, a master at entertaining himself!
For all these years, the Old Mischief has always been the classic image: messy, scruffy, with a wild beard and white hair—a total contrast to his brother Wang Chongyang, who’s all righteous, perfect, and heroic. Even Wu Zhengfeng, the old otaku from this remote corner, knew him by reputation. So before Bobby Tong's wife introduced herself, she honestly hadn’t expected the guy in front of her to be Bobby Tong.
They say a house is all about the decor, and a person’s looks are all about the grooming. Now that he’s combed his hair and shaved, his whole vibe changed in a flash—totally unexpected!
“That beard’s got real personality,” Jill Young, never one to be shy, jumped right in with her usual friendly vibe. “Who did it for you, your wife?”
“My wife.” Bobby Tong was just as much a social butterfly, his eyes lighting up like he’d found a new toy. “Say, your kung fu’s not bad—where’d you learn it? Who owns that donkey, is it yours? And how’d you do your hair? That color’s shiny as heck, looks awesome!”
“Mwahaha, you’ve got a good eye!”
Watching the two instantly bond like gamers meeting up IRL, Wu Zhengfeng could only sigh helplessly. She nodded at Bobby Tong’s wife, sharing a reserved smile. At the same time, she couldn’t help but sneak a few extra glances at Mrs. Tong—after all, she was kind of a celebrity.
The tales of Bobby Tong and his wife have dominated the martial arts gossip circles for ages—at least until the whole teacher-student scandal in Return of the Condor Heroes blew up. Even this old otaku was well-versed in their story. For the sake of the clueless onlookers, let’s introduce them in the usual way: always respecting (not) the facts, absolutely (never) making stuff up.
Actually, here’s how it went:
Once upon a time, there was a mountain. On that mountain, there was a temple. In that temple, they were missing an old monk—because the future old monk hadn’t shaved his head yet, he was still an emperor. So, for now, we’ll call him Emperor A. Even though he ruled a tiny, far-off country, Emperor A was basically a super successful CEO. Naturally, he had a stunning, way-younger goddaughter—Concubine B.
What happens next? Pretty much the same as a million other stories. Emperor A, obsessed with his career and dreams, ignored Concubine B. B got lonely, B got bored, B got cold. That’s when Clown C showed up to warm her up, cheer her up, and chase away her emptiness. According to the ancient law of goofballs pushing cold beauties, Naruto chased Sasuke, Sakuragi chased Rukawa, and Clown C chased after the married Concubine B. And so, the NTR flag was raised high.
Clown C’s senior brother, aka Justice Warrior D, harshly scolded C for his behavior. C, who was so clueless he didn’t even know what NTR meant, finally saw the light after D’s lecture. He left B right away. From then on, wracked with guilt and sour grapes, he never dared face A and B again—every time he saw them, he ran, always changing places.
—Getting déjà vu yet? Like, "Is it just me, or does this sound a lot like the last story?" Yep, aside from the details, the big difference is that C wasted no time and just went ahead and slept with B. Plus, B ended up pregnant with kid E.
The rest of the story’s way too tangled, so let’s hit fast-forward x3.
Concubine B gave birth to kid E, but Villain F ambushed E to mess with Emperor A. Emperor A could’ve saved E by burning up a hundred years of cultivation, but in the end, he didn’t. Villain F failed to screw over Emperor A, but Concubine B started hating A. So she went to find Clown C, but C was locked up in a dungeon by Master G. Concubine B didn’t have the skills to clear Master G’s dungeon, so she had to start grinding for new abilities.
Then it was AA, BB, CC, DD, EE—well, skip E, that one's gone—FF, GG, and so on, a whole mess of twists and turns. Eventually, Emperor A became Monk A. After another round of dramatic life-or-death showdowns, Villain F was finally defeated and taken in by Monk A as his disciple for some good old rehabilitation.
—Still getting that déjà vu? Like, "Isn’t this just like: Monkey King causes havoc in Heaven → five hundred years in jail → meets a bald guy under a mountain?" Really, aside from the details, the only difference from that super-famous classic is the way the monk reforms the villain. The Tang monk used the tightening-crown curse, but Monk A went with heartfelt persuasion. His words were so sincere, his feelings so real, you’d almost believe him.
So, here’s how it went.
Villain F: Why… why didn’t you kill me?
Monk A: Bro, back then my hat was so green it was practically glowing. Lucky for me, you gave me that slap—cleared all my grudges and beef! So don’t worry, a life for a life. This time, I’ve got your back!
Villain F: Good really does get rewarded! From now on, I’m sticking with you!
After that, ABCFG and later the handsome guy H and fairy I and all sorts of other characters spun off into their own stories. For a long time, a bunch of bachelors carried this legendary saga. A was single, B was single, C was single, D was single, F was single, G was single. Even handsome H was single back then. All these tangled relationships formed a knot so messy it could drive you nuts.
Finally, a hero appeared out of nowhere and sorted everything out.
This hero is an old friend of ours—he’s already beaten Earth Online once and looks like he’s on his second playthrough.
That’s right, when it comes to big stuff, you gotta call Brother Golden Wheel. Simple, effective, and to the point—smack!—one slap and Monk F was done for, toppling the first domino. After that, all the bachelors who could pair up did. B and C finally got to live happily together, and Monk A even built a hut next door to their place. Happy endings all around!
Eh? You’ve got a question? Why did A move in next door to BC just to watch them flaunt their love every day? What’s up with that mindset? Ha! Kids, this is why you’re still too young and too green. You’ve got to learn to see through the surface—A’s move instantly leveled him up to the legendary "Old Man Next Door A" status.
“The pain of being NTR’d that night, I could never really pay it back. Years, decades, it just hung over me like a cloud. But now, my chance has finally come! You two got married—this is a gift from the heavens! I, Old Man Next Door A, am going to get my revenge night after night, until you, C, know exactly how it feels to be the bull-man!”
With things like that, Old Man Next Door A was there to stay—no way to get rid of him.
If ABC weren’t all getting up there in years and not likely to have another kid, I’d be flashing my glasses, my teeth, and my fingertips, slamming the table and shouting, “Is this the setup for a second season or what?!”
This epic, tangled, explosive gossip blows any similar stories like "Wu Yazi, the unlucky bachelor, never got to enjoy life" out of the water. Even compared to other genres, it’s top of the heap. All those tales about Lin Yuantu being a eunuch, Lin Pingzhi being a eunuch, Yue Buqun being a eunuch, Dongfang Bubai being a eunuch, and Tian Boguang ending up a eunuch—those "Swordsman Eunuch Saga" stories have nothing on this "Life Drama AB."
I mean, how could the martial arts world not pay attention, not go wild over this?
(Damn, why is it that even though I know I’m just making stuff up, the more I write, the more I believe it myself?! Is this what it feels like to keep lowering my standards until I shock myself?!)
Wu Zhengfeng glanced at Bobby Tong’s seventy-something wife, Ying Gu—yep, that’s Concubine B. Turns out, having a wife really does make a huge difference from bachelor days. A man’s whole life falls under his woman’s jurisdiction; with a capable wife, your hair, beard, and wardrobe get a full upgrade. Ying Gu was an imperial concubine, so her fashion sense was a world apart from Bobby Tong’s wild ways. After her magic touch, the Old Mischief’s whole look changed instantly.
As for the hair color, it’s not a bug. Bobby Tong’s cultivation is high, his temperament pure, and he’s always out in the wild digging up polygonum and gnawing on wild ginseng. He can’t go full cheat-mode like the Xiaoyao Sect, but turning white hair black isn’t a problem. Plus, rumor has it, Ying Gu was Bobby Tong’s inner demon. Now that he’s finally overcome it, his inner strength has soared, and he’s looking younger than ever.
By the end of Return of the Condor Heroes, when the Five Greats were reshuffled, Bobby Tong was just a bit ahead of the other four. But after all these years, this martial arts nut is probably hands-down the strongest of them all. He’s likely the undisputed number one in the Central Plains—at least, officially.
It may have taken a whole chapter to explain, but in reality, all this is just a few fleeting thoughts.
Rumble rumble—hoofbeats approached fast. It was Charcoal leading the herd. Usually unreliable, but when things get serious, Charcoal’s rock-solid. Spotting strangers, it instantly rounded up its crew for backup. It thundered close, stared at Bobby Tong, snorted and pawed the ground, itching to kick him.
“Knock it off.” Jill Young scratched its chin and waved at the rest of the horses, instantly relaxing the whole Akhal-Teke crew.
"Huh?!" The Old Mischief’s eyes lit up at the sight, like someone just hit his ON button. Not far off, Ying Gu sighed—yep, her husband was acting up again. They’d come to Mount Zhongnan for a reason, but seeing him this hyped, nothing she said would get through until he calmed down.
Sure enough, the Old Mischief, all fired up, said to Jill Young: “Hey, White-haired Girl, you’ve really got a knack for horse-whispering. They act like they totally get you! How do you do it? And your kung fu’s pretty good too. How about we spar a little?”
"Play? Play what?" Surely it’s not going to be Duck Duck Goose or beanbag toss. My inner child’s alive and well, but I draw the line at toddler games.
"Whatever you know how to play, whatever you want! My hands are itching for a challenge—let’s compete! Fists, lightness skills, you name it! If you win, you can ask me to do anything—so long as it’s not evil, I’ll do it, guaranteed. If I win, same deal. So, you in or not?"
“Oh? Now that sounds fun!” Jill Young perked up instantly.
Old Mischief? He apparently knows a ton of secret techniques and is a total people person—a goldmine of potential—uh, not that Jill Young was thinking any of that. Honestly, she just wanted to stretch her muscles.
Beating up weaklings is boring; she’s always wanted a real master to spar with.
The old Taoist from Qingxu Temple had plenty of inner strength, but that’s about it. If she hadn’t been adjusting to her reshaped bones and arms back then, he wouldn’t have even gotten away. Shaolin monks? Same as the Vajra Patriarch—just punching bags to her. Wu Jiaoniang’s strong, sure, but they’ve sparred so many times, it’s all routine.
Now she’s in top shape—strong body, improved skills, and a cheat-level eggshell shield. A master like Bobby Tong is exactly the kind of benchmark she needs.
“Deal!”
Smack! The two slapped hands mid-air—the bet was on.