"Lost to myself!"
I smiled as I looked at Evan Zhao standing beside me. Lowering my head, I gazed at my own body. Now I seem to fully understand everything that coexistence as a mediator can bring. This is the path Ethan Zhang once walked—he saw so much, whether human or ghost. The world isn’t just two-sided; it has countless facets.
Take Evan Zhao, for instance. At first, I thought his constant self-blame was because of overwhelming grief—he believed his father died because of him. But after learning the truth, I realized he’d come to terms with it long ago. Yet what’s lost is like a price paid; trying to reclaim it seems simple, but in reality, it’s almost impossible.
Miracles don’t happen to everyone. Evan Zhao has already given his all, facing his Shard of Sorrow again and again, only to be left helpless in the end. Even with the help of the ghosts from the Hall of Bloodbane, nothing changed. There are just so many strange and inexplicable things in this world.
The sorrow hidden beneath Evan Zhao’s smile is something no one can detect—or perhaps, it simply can’t be seen, because he’s lost all his sorrow.
"Everything in this world is already scarred and ruined—just like my Shard of Sorrow."
As Evan Zhao spoke, his body began to blur. I realized that the Evan Zhao before me was just a lingering fragment of consciousness from the past, not his true present self. I stared at him in shock.
"Sorry, miss. There’s so much warmth in your heart. For you to witness all this sorrow, I..."
I shook my head and smiled softly, my mood surprisingly light—there wasn’t a trace of sadness. Evan Zhao’s smile kept surfacing in my mind. Though it was unconscious, to be someone who can face sorrow with a calm smile... perhaps such people are rare in this world.
"Where is your Shard of Sorrow, really?"
I asked, and Evan Zhao smiled, pointing into the distance. A wisp of ghostly green energy slowly drifted away.
"Follow it."
Evan Zhao’s voice echoed in my ear. I hurried after it, and the world around me began to reappear—fragmented scenes breaking apart, gray-green mist rising everywhere. Deep, indescribable sorrow welled up again from the depths of my heart.
I tried to hold back my tears, but eventually I couldn’t stop them from flowing. The sorrow kept invading my body, and I could feel Evan Zhao’s grief within it—growing stronger and stronger.
I kept wiping away the tears that now streamed like beads, even my nose running. I knew that anyone forced to bear this much sorrow would eventually be crushed by it. All the grief Evan Zhao ever witnessed flowed into his Shard of Sorrow. That’s why, no matter how Old Man Rivers tried to communicate with the Shard, it never made any difference.
In the end, Old Man Rivers was swallowed and assimilated by the sorrow within the Shard. He still clung to a shred of consciousness, but now even that last bit has vanished completely.
Evan Zhao’s Shard of Sorrow contained only grief—no hatred or anything else. That’s why he lost his mind. Maybe at first he had some awareness, but no one knows how long he sat alone in the Rivers Mansion, watching everything happen, powerless to stop it.
No one ever heard the Shard of Sorrow speak—not even Evan Zhao himself. Only years later, when the Shard grew stronger, did Evan Zhao finally return to the Rivers Family estate. By then, he’d missed his best chance.
Gradually, I felt worse and worse—so weighed down by sorrow I could barely lift my feet. My strength was draining away, vanishing bit by bit. This was the power of Sorrowbane, capable of destroying everything in a person.
Everyone has moments when they can’t see a way out. Evan Zhao was like that once, which is why his Shard of Sorrow left his body. Maybe it sensed that his grief would lead to a tragic end, so it departed. Neither Evan Zhao nor his sorrowful Shard should have to bear all that pain alone—whether it’s Evan Zhao’s smile or the Shard’s mournful face.
I kept trudging forward, feeling myself getting closer to Evan Zhao’s Shard of Sorrow. By now, Evan Zhao’s consciousness was likely fully suppressed; the ghostly body was under the Shard’s control.
The instinct of coexistence within my body could solve this problem. Now I understood: if Evan Zhao and his Shard of Sorrow could just talk to each other—if they could communicate—everything could be resolved. But when they meet, there’s no understanding; neither listens to the other.
Gradually, the guiding current vanished from sight. I saw a huge black-green pond, and Evan Zhao was in it—his feet completely submerged. I swallowed hard, tears still streaming down my face.
"Evan Zhao, snap out of it!"
I shouted loudly. Evan Zhao just stared at me with a face full of sorrow, his eyes vacant. After a long moment, he still didn’t react. Instead, my own energy kept fading. I knew if I didn’t wake Evan Zhao soon, I’d be swallowed up by everything here—sorrow could completely consume my mind.
Currents of black and white swirled around my body, moving toward Evan Zhao. Suddenly, I felt a burning heat, followed by a suffocating chill. I trembled, wracked with pain, my heart tormented as if by fire.
"Evan Zhao, you bastard, wake up!"
I yelled. The black-green liquid in the pond began to gather around me, the black part pulling at my feet so I could barely move. Even the power of coexistence, swirling black and white, couldn’t pierce this sorrow to reach Evan Zhao.
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"Rachel's Shade, help me."
I called out, and with a sigh, I stared in surprise at the white misty figure before me—it was Rachel's Shade.
"Help me. The power of coexistence is already..."
A hand pressed against my cheek—a face made entirely of white mist, identical to mine, looked at me with bitter sorrow.
"Rachel Lan, it’s not worth risking your life for these things. My power drains your vitality, so I don’t want you to use it over and over."
I smiled and shook my head. Tears still streamed from my eyes, but my lips curled into a faint smile.
"If such a small price can solve a problem that’s lasted for who knows how many years, then I’m willing to pay it—whatever it takes, as long as I’m still alive."
I stared intently at Rachel's Shade. She glanced back at the power stretching out behind her, then blew lightly. Instantly, the black-and-white forces before me grew immense, surging forward and wrapping around Evan Zhao.
Gradually, I felt a wave of warmth—and then my consciousness began to fade. Before I knew it, I had fainted.
In a daze, I regained consciousness. Two green lights flickered before me—I stared in shock at two Evan Zhaos. The one on the left was smiling, the one on the right wore a face full of sorrow.
"I’m sorry. All these years, I made you bear the sorrow that should have been mine."
Evan Zhao raised a hand. His sorrowful Shard shook its head sadly, and the two figures gradually fused together. I stared in shock—Evan Zhao was smiling, but his smile was tinged with deep bitterness as he walked up to me.
"Thank you, Rachel Lan. I said so much to him—all the things I couldn’t say over the years. Thank you."
Suddenly, Evan Zhao’s lips turned down and he wept in sorrow, mouth pressed tight. I stared in shock—his face now half joy, half anguish, but the two emotions started to merge. Evan Zhao cried and laughed at the same time, and I quietly closed my eyes.
A cool breeze brushed past. I heard the wind, and when I opened my eyes again, I was nearly exhausted. In the dim sunlight, John Chou and Evan Zhao stood together. Isabelle Frost was perched on the courtyard wall. Evan Zhao had regained his senses and looked normal. I was so happy I tried to stand, but dizziness nearly knocked me over, so I sat back down, leaning against the door. At the Rivers Family’s gate, John Chou wore a joyful expression, while Evan Zhao’s face held a trace of sadness—but his smile was calm and easy, so different from what I’d just seen in my mind. I tilted my head against the door.
"It’s finally over."
Evan Zhao walked over and bowed formally to me. I shook my head.
"Sorry, I really couldn’t find the time to come. After all, I..."
John Chou actually apologized. I stared at him in shock, while Evan Zhao smiled and shook his head.
"Brother John, I know your situation. I’m already grateful you still care about me. Go on home."
As Evan Zhao spoke, his gaze sharpened, looking off into the distance. I glanced around.
"This is your home, right? Why not tidy up a bit?"
I giggled. Evan Zhao looked at me in surprise, then smiled and nodded.
"Then let’s stay a couple more days."
John Chou said, and I finally managed to stand up, though I was starving. But thinking of how John Chou tricked me into drinking that black water, I got annoyed and kicked at him. He just tapped my forehead with a finger and landed on the courtyard wall.
"You’re ten thousand years too early to kick me, Rachel Lan."
I glared at John Chou, and Isabelle Frost’s expression softened. She slowly floated down.
"If we’re tidying up, let’s wait until tomorrow. For now, take Rachel Lan inside and get her something to eat."