"Leaving Baidi City in the morning, amidst colorful clouds, a thousand miles to Jiangling in a single day." Someone, feeling poetic, stands proudly at the bow of the boat. The river breeze blows, a paper fan sways gently—what a picture of elegance! If you’ve time-traveled to ancient times, how can you not recite a poem? It’s the perfect setting, drifting on the river, so for the sake of showing off, even if it means shamelessly plagiarizing, I’ll own it!
"Monkeys on both banks never stop crying, and our light boat has already passed a thousand, heavy, mountains~~ What a poem, truly a masterpiece!" Look at me—this heroic pose, these poetic lines, handsome, right? Smitten yet? Heart racing yet?
Stretch your ears and listen—
"What’s the boss mumbling about at the front of the boat?" "Didn’t catch it, sounded like something about ‘good wet’ or whatever." "Did your clothes get wet? Want me to wash them for you?" "I’ll go get a basin and a washboard."
"Uh..." Okay, maybe I’m just doing this wrong. Think about it—if I’m facing forward, my voice goes ahead, plus the roaring river wind, no wonder the girls behind can’t hear me. Fine, watch me switch up my pose and try again!
The protagonist instantly spins around, going from dashing to lazy—leaning back against the rail, half-standing, half-reclining. In his eyes, autumn water flows, like a hand-painted bishounen in a lavish illustration, mixed with a touch of world-weariness, he slowly intones: "The great river flows east, washing away the heroes of ages past. West of the old fortress, people say, is where Zhou Yu of the Three Kingdoms commanded at Red Cliff. Jagged rocks pierce the sky, wild waves slam the shore, rolling up a thousand heaps of snow. This land is like a painting—how many heroes in a moment... What a passage, truly a passage!"
This time I didn’t mess up, right? They heard me, right? So, how do the girls respond—
"Why can’t I understand what the boss is saying?" "The way he stops and starts is so weird." "Chicken wings? Is the boss craving wings and pork knuckle or something?"
Hey, hey, what kind of cultural level do you all have!
"No, Young Palace Master is reciting poetry."
Oh, finally, someone cultured showed up. Guess even showing off needs the right audience, huh? Come on, explain to those illiterates just how awesome that poem was!
"That's Su Dongpo's 'Reminiscing about Red Cliff'—one of Master Su's most legendary works. It goes something like—blah blah blah..."
Whoops, tactical error! Oh right, we're in the late Southern Song now, and all those Tang and Song poems from high school textbooks have been patented ages ago. Quoting them is just book-dropping at this point. Too bad I only remember the ones from school; what now? Wait—got it!
"Ahem!" Time for another one! Someone instantly puts on a serious face, eyes deep and voice dramatic: "The mighty Yangtze flows east, a branch of red apricot peeks over the wall—wait, no, it's the waves that wash away heroes. Success and failure, all just fleeting; the green hills remain, how many sunsets have come and gone? Old fishermen and woodcutters by the river, used to the autumn moon and spring breeze. A jug of cheap wine and a happy reunion—so many tales from ancient times, all become laughs and idle chatter—ah, history, oh history, life, oh life, what a sigh, what a lament!"
Bet none of you have heard that one before, huh?
"What are you babbling about, you goof? Hurry up and get over here." Maggie Monroe waved from afar, reciting her own original verse in a snappy 5-7-5 rhythm: "The dye's all mixed up, no use running. Whether you stick your head out or hide, it's one chop either way, so the sooner you dye, the sooner you're reborn—come on, get your hair done."
"Ugh..." Jill Young's face instantly collapsed. Yep, all that poetry and performance was just her way to dodge the hair dye. "I don't wanna dye my hair, this stuff stinks to high heaven and my nose is super sensitive. It's brutal! Plus, it fades in a few days and I have to do it again. Seriously, how's anyone supposed to live like this?"
"Who you gonna blame? Other people dye once and it lasts a month, but you—your hair's so slippery it won't hold color. And even when we manage to get it dyed, you bounce around and it all shakes off. Totally self-inflicted! Hey, someone come help me dunk her head in the basin!" The Boss spouted palace drama lines, but the girls around just laughed. The daily banter between the two leaders was a regular highlight.
Back in the day, Wu Zhengfeng wasn't exactly harsh, but she was pretty by-the-book. As a sect leader and top-tier martial artist, she commanded awe and respect, so over time, the girls saw her as this untouchable, ice-cold figure. But ever since the Young Mistress showed up, she's gotten way more lively. Add in her youthful, almost cutesy appearance after her rejuvenation, and—well, she's a lot more adorable now.
The crew sped east by boat (lower altitude over there), and wow, were they fast. No One Under Heaven bought a big ship, loaded it up with people, horses, and all their gear. Plus, they rigged it with some special equipment, so they could disguise themselves if needed—just in case.
Huh? Disguise as what?
What can a bunch of women disguise themselves as? Definitely not flower thieves. Obviously, you want something practical, resourceful, and convenient—plus, nothing that'll make people suspicious.
"Madam of the house, that's me!" A gorgeous woman in flashy clothes waved her handkerchief, practicing her poses and expressions. Introducing: Lola Lotus, former mistress of Lotus Island, twenty-five years of martial skill, master of Floating Cloud Sleeves, and a professional dancer. Her moves are mesmerizing. Note: "Hmm, that didn't feel right—let's try again. Dear guests, madam of the house, that's me!"
Yep, she's kind of an airhead.
"Our Painted Barge boasts countless beauties, the Four Great Divas! Each diva is a master of music, chess, calligraphy, or painting—absolute knockouts. First up, the Music Diva—wait, who was that again..." Lola Lotus, totally in character, suddenly blanked out, fishing a cheat sheet from her sleeve. She's just winging it.
Since the madam forgot, let's cut to the narrator for a god's-eye rundown.
The Four Great Divas and a boatload of beauties? All hype, not reality. Sure, with all these islands and caves, you could find people with a second talent. But when it comes to actual stage-worthy singing and dancing, it's really just a handful.
Besides Lola Lotus's dancing, there's Hannah Frost's musical skills and Phoebe Phoenix's singing from Phoenix Island. Hannah was once a pro, no joke. She left showbiz ages ago, but her musical chops haven't faded—actually, they've only gotten better with her martial arts and broader horizons. Phoebe Phoenix is one of the youngest island mistresses, just twenty-five with thirty years of cultivation, and she can belt out a song like nobody's business.
Her voice is powerful and clear, like gold and jade ringing, like phoenixes singing together—basically, she's got a killer set of pipes. Jill Young is a huge fan. Plus, her fire-based inner strength matches the supreme arts, and her personality really clicks with Jill. Jill even wanted to start a two-person musical act with her.
"Since you're Phoebe Phoenix, I should pick a stage name starting with 'Huang'—then our duo can be 'Phoenix Legend.' How about it? Full-on heavy metal vibes, we'll take the music world by storm!"
Not to mention our wannabe world-saving singer, on this Painted Barge, the undisputed queen is Lady Simone. If you count out the two bosses, she's top of the charts for singing, dancing, and playing music. Sure, she's one of the Four Great Divas, but it's like those comic book villain teams—three of them are just for show, and she's the real deal.
Basically, the other three are just filler.
And all this dressing up and undercover work isn't pointless.
Borders are locked down tight these days. Traveling by boat is way smoother than going by land, but we've still had a few inspections. Right now, No One Under Heaven is quietly building up strength, so our moves in the Central Plains can't be detected—disguises are a must. In this age of religious crackdowns, a bunch of women wandering around is super suspicious. Only with a Painted Barge and the 'merchant ladies who don't care about national woes' cover can we dodge most of the risks.
"This Dragon-Tiger Inner Alchemy Manual is pure genius—true yang within yang, true yin within yin, perfectly balanced and self-contained. If you really master it, it's worth as much as the Quanzhen Sect's Supreme Arts." Wu Zhengfeng, after carefully studying Lady Simone's handwritten copy, couldn't help but marvel. Then, squinting, she whispered to Jill Young, "Looks like she didn't mess with the text."
After all, Simone was the only one who saw the text, and she's basically the poster child for 'suspicious origins.' Wu Zhengfeng never let her guard down around her.
"Like she'd even have the chops to mess with a manual like that," Jill Young said while rinsing her hair. "It's not even her field! If she can understand a tenth of it, she's already a genius."
In her world, it's all about levels, not techniques. Lady Simone may be a natural-born master, but her martial arts aren't exactly cutting-edge—way behind the folks here. On the flip side, people here focus on foundations, not levels. Duels are like MMOs: you use 'Phoenix Arrival,' I counter with 'Welcoming Pine,' super formulaic. One 'Hundred Flowers Fist' can stun a whole crowd, which says a lot. It's nowhere near as flexible and brilliant as Simone's world, where you adapt on the fly.
And that's one of the main reasons innate talent doesn't equal a breakthrough.
"Chester Chu was bedridden and already near the end, but who knew he'd get assassinated? With the northern Daoists losing their leader, Quanzhen Sect's attitude toward Yuan-Mongol just got way more complicated." Wu Zhengfeng pondered the fallout from Chester Chu's death.
"Who cares about all that? No need to overthink it. Just handle our own business and everything else will fall into place." Jill Young shook out her hair and gazed out the window. "Up ahead is Jingzhou. Once we dock, we'll head out, pass through Xiangyang, and race up to Mount Song."